Smoking every day
I am telling a story of what happened to me two years ago when I was 16. I was a pretty happy person and was ok at school and had friends. We used to smoke joints after school and at lunchtime and me and my friend got into it a lot. We missed school some days but were still passing and we started having bongs because it was a lot cheaper and lasted longer. I don't smoke so the tobacco in joints was horrible.
By Christmas I was smoking every day and, I think, getting depression, because I couldn't sleep and felt sad and grumpy all the time. We went to a party and I got so paranoid I had to go home, but that happens to everyone. My friend said just learn to say "It's only the dope" and get on with being at the party, but I thought everyone was hating me and saying I was ugly and a slut and other bad things.
Over the next I don't know how many weeks, I started thinking that people were always knowing what I was thinking so if I thought "I'm feeling scared and embarrassed" on the tram, then everyone would know and look at me more, and I'd feel more like that. I thought people could see inside my head and sometimes when I was at home, people's faces would change and I didn't know if my mum was really my mum or someone bad pretending to be my mum. I stopped having any drugs, but it didn't get better.
I finally started crying in the car with Mum and told her most of what had been happening. She was upset too and took me to her doctor who said I had a mental health problem and I should be assessed to see how bad it was. I thought they might electrocute me or something and didn't want to go. I think it was drug-induced and caused by smoking too much, but there isn't any proof. Maybe this would have happened anyway. It doesn't matter now, because it's all done, but I wouldn't smoke so much if I had my chance again.
My friend never got sick like me and she smoked more, so it's not really fair. She has stopped now, but still drinks. Her family was very worried when they found out what happened to me. She got in some trouble because the whole truth about us came out and my friend didn't talk to me for a while. I went on medication and slowly got better, but I felt insecure and didn't go out much anymore.
I can't believe it came back so fast. I broke up with my boyfriend, because he was not able to handle what was happening to me. That really hurt and I went to see my worker to talk about him a lot. This year I have started VCE and am going well. I wish my life was back to normal, but it isn't.
I met a lady called Vivien* who told me that my mental health problems were only a tiny, tiny part of my personality compared to all the things I said and felt and did. That felt like it was putting it in more of a good perspective, and that I can live with it. It's good to have people around who think I am good, because it helps me feel better about myself. Anyway that is my story.
* Name changed
I know how you feel. Im a recovering herion addict and now instead of smoking H I smoke pot every day instead. I'm on medication which has helped me cut down but I'm finding it so hard to stop, even as hard as gear (H). But it will happen one day when I really want to do it, as they say it's mostly in the mind which I truly believe.
By the way, that comment up top about suffering consepuences, don't worry about that idiot as they obviously never had an addiction. Don't worry about clueless people like that
If you have mental issues, any drugs can expose them. As far as your irrational paranoia, it's just that, irrational. Next time you're paranoid, realize it's you who is making yourself paranoid. All your feelings about what other people think about you can only come from how you feel about yourself. I used to be insanely paranoid and self conscious till I realized it was all in my head and when i realized that all my anxieties disappeared. They still come back from time to time but I can easily make them go away.
None of your goofy behavior was caused by smoking pot, obviously diff people react differently but blaming drugs you are putting the problem outside ourself and outside your power.
Excuses are the worst thing you can do to yourself.
Change of scenery people. Drug addiction (not drugs themselves) or any addiction are an excuse for preexisting problems in your life.
Once you deal with yourself you can than have a healthy relationship with mother natures spices.
I feel that you need to make yourself happy. No one and nothing can make you truly happy but you. You in the end are the only one who has to end up and live with you and as long as you are happy with yourself and can live with the repercussions of your actions then you can do anything. If you doubt your actions then don't do them because you will probably regret them later.
Everyone does different things, it's what makes us unique. Yes not everyone agrees with others' actions but we need to accept them cause mistakes are going to happen! Why make things worse by pointing fingers and dodging issues? Accept, acknowledge and work to make things better.
I have been smoking dope for a couple of years now, all i would say to people is that if you feel dope affecting your day to day life, i.e, if its making you paranoid, making you depressed, then stop doing it. Clear your head and if you still feel bad, get help, talk to someone you can trust.
It can be hard admitting to having an addiction, i know because i have had to do this myself. try to work out why you smoke it. If its because your bored, then get a hobby, go out with friends more. If all you do all the time is smoke dope then trust me your head will be away as mine was before i thought about what i was doing to myself. I still smoke dope occassionally and i now understand that it shouldnt be the main focus of your life.